Inspired by those in life who grab life by the horns and live for the moment, two dear friends and I have decided to give rock climbing a try.
I start laying out what “stuff” I think I’ll need for a 6 hour hiking/climbing excursion, and quickly realize I don’t own a backpack of any kind. None. I hate backpacks! I decide to use a bright, designer LeSportsac duffel bag that screams “CLEARLY I AM CLUELESS HERE!” and is VERY un-camping appropriate. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be made fun of.
6am comes early and I drag my tired body out of bed and proceed to put on enough makeup to make Transvestites feel ashamed. If you know me, you know it’s just how I roll. Hello! Photos are going to be a HUGE part of this adventure and I am not about to look homely!
The girls arrive and we hit the road. I have to make a pit stop for a HUGE coffee from the gas station. If these people expect me to be sharp at this hour of the morning, coffee is going to be needed in mass quantities. Hallelujah. I am taking a huge risk drinking that much coffee and I pray that my poor colon doesn’t have a nervous breakdown and force me into the woods armed only with a handful of leaves.
I down the coffee like it’s a soda (in my usual manner) and before I know it we’re at the park. Sprawling landscape, rolling hills, beautiful South Texas countryside… I am in heaven. I could live out here and I
truly hope someday to have a ranch out in the Hill Country. We pile out of the car like giddy schoolgirls clad in our version of “climbing” ensembles, which is really just yoga pants and an air of “woodsman.” The lead dude sees me carrying my LeSportsac duffel and stares at me with a look that can only be described as “Sweet Jesus that woman intends to hike with that ridiculous looking bag!” He hands me his backpack and says, “Better use this one.” I smile and thank him knowing that I officially look like a complete boob.
Shoes, harness, helmet… the whole shebang. They have to instruct us on proper fitting of the “harness” that should be called “The killer of your lady parts.” My poor chafed vagina may never forgive me.
It’s really a high to be 60 feet up in the air and having gotten there up the face of a rock cliff. The climb was a rush and the ride down is something that I wish I could do on a daily basis. Now I want to climb things just so I can slide down them using the diaper strap harness that gives you 4 entire butt cheeks. Seriously awesome.
I can honestly say I had SO MUCH FUN. It had its challenging moments, but I would do it again in a heartbeat… 4 butt cheeks and all.