So kids here it is. A glimpse into the galaxy in which I reside. A bit of warning, it can be a strange and bumpy ride… but dang it’s fun! At least I enjoy my own rides… Hopefully you won’t go all motion sick and puke on me. That’s no bueno.
For anyone out there who is a true INFJ through and through, like myself, you will completely understand everything I am about to highlight about this very unique and sometimes strange personality we call our own. For those of you who don’t know one or can’t relate- I’ll just apologize now. This may either bore you to tears or scare the ever living bejesus out of you. Either way, I feel the need to preface with a heartfelt “I’m sorry.”
We have rules. Yep. Rules. We live by them and die by them.
Don’t break them. Ever.
Rule number One: We genuinely care about you and what may be ailing you or overjoying you. Please allow us to share in your emotions, especially those of great sadness or great joy. We deeply care about people who are in our inner circles and would do absolutely anything for you. Our love is deeper than you could ever know we had for you.
Two: Sometimes we just need space. This one tends to confuse E’s especially. Sometimes we just need to decompress and regroup. It’s probably nothing you did. It’s just our innate need for occasional space.
Three: If you are not our spouse/significant other, don’t expect us to be touchy-feely. With that other person (I’m not married, so boyfriend for me) I am extremely affectionate and like/need his affection back, but outside of that, I have VERY STRICT no touching rules. I have a perimeter of space I expect to be kept at all times. Hugs for greetings/salutations are always an exception for me, but that may be just about it. I absolutely HATE to be touched by strangers and could be sent into a downward spiral by doing so.
Once I actually screamed at a Chinese man in the Hong Kong Airport for touching his entire full length front side to my entire full length back side standing in a line to exchange currency. THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE IN LINE! WHY IN GOD’S NAME WOULD YOU TOUCH A STRANGER WITH YOUR ENTIRE BODY? He didn’t understand the two minute meltdown I had nor a single word I uttered, but that didn’t really matter… it had to be done for my own sake. Don’t worry, two colleagues of mine witnessed the entire thing and thought it was the funniest thing they’d ever seen. Clearly, they didn’t understand the gravity of the situation. I still hear about that day even now…
Four: We ponder the depths of the world very profoundly. I really don’t know why, we just do. It’s in our nature to want to understand everything. Why people do what they do, what drove them to it, what drove them to what drove them to do it, and so on. It’s just something you have to accept with an INFJ in your life.
Five: We have a strange iNtuition that reaches a very strange level. It’s often described as that of a psychic nature. I personally don’t believe in that as the explanation, I believe it’s a God-given gift of knowing things only He could reveal to us. But it’s a great party trick to freak people out with. I love watching faces drop when they realize I KNOW whatever they’re hiding. It’s super fun, take my word for it. 🙂
Six: Because of our sixth-sense, you can’t lie to us. We will know you’re lying and it will not only prolong the inevitable and waste time, but it will hurt us that you lied. Trust me, lying to an INFJ will never end well.
Seven: We life in an “ideal” minded world. Meaning that we almost always believe the very best outcome is possible and can be attained most of the time. People have told me I live in “fantasy land” but I just like to think of it as extreme optimism. 🙂 It actually doesn’t bother me at all that I like to believe the best in things or like to think of the fantasies in the stories. It makes me happy.
Eight: While we do take things deeply to heart, we are traditionally a happy bunch. It’s a strange mix of the fantasy-loving and carry the weight of the world that somehow balances us out so we’re not totally insane. At least, that’s what I tell myself.
Nine: We are excellent problem solvers and quasi-counselors. Come to us with your dilemma, we are not only GOOD at working it out, but we enjoy doing so.
Ten: When we say we are going to do something, you might as well have it written in our blood. I wouldn’t break my word for ANYTHING. EVER. It’s my bond, my covenant. You can hang your hat on my word to do whatever it is I say I will do. No exceptions. My word on something is better than writing.
Eleven: We love learning about people’s personalities and quirks. Haven’t you noticed that by now? I mean, I encouraged you to share your own letters and tidbits and truly want to hear. That seems in stride with the “love learning about others” thing, but goes deeper for me. I LOVE to learn about people I am close to and ALL that makes them who they are. It’s fascinating to me! Really!
Twelve: We are not like other Introverts that recluse themselves alone for days at a time. We need brief recharges, but surprisingly like to be around people. Albeit, people WE LIKE. Not just anyone. That’s what makes us I’s and not E’s. We only want to be around people we choose and LIKE as a general rule. We are often mistaken for E’s in this regard, because we do actually like to socialize and be with close friends and family more so than traditional I’s.
Thirteen: We are by nature peacemakers and don’t really like to stand up and fight. However, be very clear about this: when the time comes to fight- you will never have a more determined fighter than an INFJ fighting for something or someone they believe in. Ever. I very rarely get riled up enough to find the desire in me to fight, but boy when I do- STAND BACK. Once I make the decision to fight for someone or something, it’s like a tactical nuclear strike. Seriously, run for cover or stand with me. Those are really the only choices you’ll have in that moment.
Fourteen: We can read you like a book. It’s nearly equivalent to Superman’s X-ray vision. We literally see right through you. Don’t fool yourself, just because we don’t say much all the time doesn’t mean that we aren’t at our little brain keyboards smoking the motherboard with info, because believe me, we are.
Fifteen: We tend to hold back a part of ourselves. That is our safety mechanism in action. Don’t be offended, it’s probably nothing you did. It’s just we tend to be “under-sharers” and are always very cautious of opening up to people, even people we love. It’s probably more of a weakness in us, but it’s something to be very gentle with. Let us take our time in opening up and sharing. Don’t push us too fast or we will clam up like last night’s mollusk dinner and then you’ll NEVER break into our shell.
Sixteen: Our feelings are VERY easily hurt. It seems strange to say out loud, but it’s true. I have always hidden my hurt feelings so as not to be labeled “over-sensitive” or “a weenie” but it is what it is. I have learned over time not to take offense to much, I had to learn that. It’s a good thing. But as far as my “feelings” go, I am about as sensitive as it gets. I cry when someone else is hurting, or when I watch a sad movie (Damn you Les Mis!) or even when I feel misunderstood. Don’t worry, it’s not because you can’t ever be honest with how you feel towards me, I probably already know that anyway. It’s more about your delivery of said feelings that needs the most thought and care. And no matter how much you may hurt my feelings along the way, I will still love you just as much as ever. That never changes.
Seventeen: We have ridiculously high standards. These apply mostly to ourselves, as we are perfectionists. However, I have come to realize that sometimes my high standards apply to those around me too and when those standards aren’t met I can get upset. For this, I am sorry. I am learning that it’s not fair to place unrealistic standards on those around me. It’s a work in progress, I swear.
Eighteen: We are deed oriented. We show and receive love through deeds primarily. If you find us doing little tasks for you, know that we are saying “I love you!” through that task. Sounds silly, I know… but it’s how we’re wired. Sometimes verbal words fail us. Sorry.
Nineteen: If we come to love you, know that we sometimes don’t know how to show you love the way you need it, but we will do everything in our power to show you in our own way until we learn/understand what and how you need to be shown love. Once we know how you like/need it, we will adapt and show you the way you like/need it most, to the best of our abilities.
Twenty: This is the most important rule that I could ever state. We do follow our own code, so to speak, that does include the rules listed above along with many many addendums I am certain. However, we will BREAK EVERY SINGLE RULE in the book for someone we care deeply for.
If you’re bored to tears, why did you keep going? Sheesh! If you are more confused than you started, message me, I will try to help. 🙂 If you have an INFJ in your life, I hope this has helped you understand him/her better and explain some of the strange qualities you never fathomed. If you yourself are an INFJ and wish to add anything, please do! I haven’t ever met another INFJ in person before, but have found a few through the internet. Nice to know there are other me’s out there!
Whatever you do today, do it to the best of YOUR abilities. Be yourself. That’s exactly who God created you to be!